Bride Wars

Rating: *

The slimmest definition of a successful is comedy is whether it makes you laugh, and by this standard, Bride Wars is an unrepentant failure. It’s not the fault of the two main actresses really, because this script, even with Marlene Dietrich and Betty Davis, would have been a resounding disappointment. The battle in Bride Wars is the struggle to make something, anything, funny and the end result is always failure. So you slink down deeper in your seat nearly embarrassed that you’re there, save for the fact that you’re being paid to watch the movie and then write critically about it. And boy, do I have a lot to be critical about, but it’s almost like, “why bother?”

On the surface, Bride Wars can be perceived as a harmless comedy that plays with broad physical comedy and relatively stale film stereotypes that all together make for a typical paint-by-numbers Hollywood movie. You could dig deeper, of course, and talk about how it reflects negatively on women by implying that the prospect of a wedding turns them into Nazi-like control freaks that are pathologically obsessed with a very specific idea of what constitutes perfection. But if you’re looking for subtext in Bride Wars, boy did you come to the wrong place. Basically, this is one of those scripts that have read too many other scripts of the same genre; a typical cut and paste job.

But basically I kept coming back to the idea that real people wouldn’t act this way. Even the basic premise of the film – where in two BFFs face-off for some down-and-dirty rotten scheming to see who can flub up the other’s dream wedding first – seems to be far-fetched. The mere contrivance of the situation, they book two different days in June, only to end up booked on the same day, screams of Saved By the Bell type clichés where it’s okay for something stupid to happen because it’s all in service of the plot. And you know that even the writer’s don’t believe in their own story when they throw in an eighth inning curve ball where one of the brides begins to doubt her commitment. It’s like the start of a whole other movie just 20 minutes before the finish line.

And I would say that the actors are like marionettes, but frankly if there was any puppetry in this movie it could only make the affair more interesting. Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway try their best, and while I have to say they both made authentic best friends, that’s about all I bought from their performances. Hudson I understand. She’s built a career doing this schlock, so the fact that she turned up in this ridiculous piece of fluff is no surprise, but Anne Jacqueline Hathaway, you should be ashamed of yourself. Candice Bergen too for that matter. You mean to tell me that there was nothing better for you to do, because you looked about as interested in having a hand in this thing as I do.

But the thing that stayed with me the most is just how awful this movie is in regards to its tired and insulting comedic portrayal of women as man hungry, OCD automatons that are driven solely by the desire to find the perfect guy, in order to have the perfect wedding. And may all of heaven and earth be damned should any sliver of a problematic situation get in their way, because nothing ruins a life faster than not getting the right DJ for the reception. I mean, how can you sleep at night knowing that you biological impediment for eight daily hours of uninterrupted rest caused you to miss the final piece of making your impossible dream wedding a reality. That’s the kind of stuff that makes Jacob Marley walk the Earth forever. And don’t get me started about the video montage… And yes, all that was sarcastic. But seriously, when it comes to Bride Wars, don’t waste your time.

Get Smart

Rating: ***1/2

You roll the hard six, as Battlestar Galactica’s Admiral Adama might observe, when you take a well know and beloved TV property and rejuvenate for the big screen years after the fact. To play it smart you have to make the show believable for a modern audience while you hang on to the things that appeal to the hardcore fans. Sometimes filmmakers get it right, but most of the time they get it oh so horribly wrong. Which brings me to Get Smart, a film that actually does a fairly reasonable job of updating its 60s origins for the 21st century, while even managing to work in the shoe phone for the Nokia age.

In this Smart, Steve Carell takes up Don Adams’ role as stumbling, bumbling Agent 86, Max Smart and Anne Hathaway is his put upon, level-headed partner Agent 99. Max is promoted from analyst to field agent when the spy agency CONTROL is infiltrated by their arch-nemesis KAOS. Max and 99 go undercover to penetrate the KAOS cell responsible, an outfit in Russia led by the mysterious Siegfried (Terrance Stamp) that’s collecting nuclear material to build bombs for nefarious purposes. But unlike the old TV series, Max isn’t totally ineffective, the threats are more deadly and the stunts are bigger. Alan Arkin co-stars as the Chief and Dwayne Johnson is Agent 23.

Of course, the original Get Smart came out in the midst of the Cold War and several different movies and TV shows about spies and spying; not the least of which was the James Bond franchise. But in the age of the no-frills espionage of Jason Bourne, Get Smart required something a little bit more than two hours of Carrel bumbling around the set, accidentally falling over things with a “Would you believe this?” and a “Missed it by that much that.” Fortunately the filmmakers made a smart call in my opinion by making the movie more of an action comedy than a spoof. Also smart (heh) was making Agent 86 more oblivious and naïve than outright clumsy and ineffectual.

As an action film, Get Smart is standard but serviceable, while as a comedy it’s above average with more than a few funny lines and cameos to keep the mind occupied. Carell is likeable in that Michael Scott way, but plays Max in an entirely different way than Adams did, which was nice and he was certainly at his comedic best since probably The 40 Year Old Virgin. Hathaway wasn’t the most obvious choice to play opposite Carell (he’s got 20 years on her), but she does have a nice chemistry with him and their relationship is rather on the sweet and innocent side of things. (The PDA never goes further than a peck on the cheek.)

Actually there’s a lot of great talent in this. Arkin is hilariously dead pan as the Chief; acerbic with just enough grease left to fly over a conference table and get into a fist fight with the Vice-President yelling “I’ve wanting to do this since Nixon.” Johnson (I’m stopping with “the Rock” suffix) proves his comedic chops ably as Agent 23, who’s one of the few field agents that has faith in Max’s skills. Terry Crews, David Koechner, Masi Oka and Nate Torrence offer solid support back at the office and there’s a couple of great cameos by actors playing Agent 13 and Hymie, two of the more classic character in the original Smart.

The comedy of Get Smart isn’t out to reinvent the wheel, but it is more than effective in delivering some laughs and some easy to enjoy action. A large portion of the credit for the success of the film should go to director Peter Segal, who’s previously made his name on a few Adam Sandler movies. He’s probably not going to get it though, because a lot of people are going to mistake the film’s accomplishments for failures. But if you want to go to something where you can sit back, relax and enjoy, Get Smart is a winner.