Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Rating: ***

These Transformers movies are the very definition of critic-proof. Anyone with a keyboard and opinion will tell you that the first two movies based on the popular 80s toy line, especially part two, radically redefined awfulness. Yet still, somehow, Revenge of the Fallen’s final box office tally landed just shy of $1 billion USD worldwide. So what’s the appeal? Big robots, big explosions, hot chicks and the usual “Bayhem.” All true, but how about a story? Compelling drama? Character development?

Well there’s none of that in this third Transformers movie Dark of the Moon. Actually, that’s not fair. As compared to Revenge, which suffered the dual indignities of being developed during the Writers Strike and on the narrative whims of Bay himself, Dark of the Moon is a Homer-like epic wrought with shifting allegiances, gripping motivations and big robots, big explosions, hot chicks and “Bayhem.”

Dark of the Moon is popcorn filmmaking at its finest, and it’s probably the most standout use of the 3-D format since James Cameron’s Avatar. The fascinating repercussion of Bay’s using 3-D is that he has to slow his shots down. Instead of his usual one or two second quick cuts, his shots are longer, wider and sweeping. In short, 3-D has made Bay a better filmmaker, and there aren’t a lot of films and filmmakers that you can say that about. Additionally, the film’s final bombastic hour, which makes Dresden look like a post-Stanley Cup game riot, manages to not overload the senses and makes complete and total visual sense.

The story is rather simple. Our hero Sam (once again essayed by “The Beef” himself Shia LaBeouf) is out of college and looking for work, but like a lot of recent college grads good work is scarce. However, unlike a lot of recent college grads, Sam has an incredibly hot girlfriend that looks like a lingerie model (because she’s played by one, in this case Rosie Huntington-Whiteley). Megan Fox’s girlfriend character is dismissed with a couple of lines, so that this film is entirely about Carly, who has a good job with her unusually smug boss Patrick Dempsey, while Sam gets an entry level gig at a software firm fronted by John Malkovich, who in a bizarre turn seems to be channelling Nicolas Cage.

On the killer robot front, the evil Decepticons are chilling in Africa, as the good Autobots are working with American soldiers to kick butt worldwide. The central plot, like X-Men: First Class, plays revisionist history with the 60s, presuming that the space race to the Moon was really a race to capture Transformers technology. When Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, learns from Director of National Intelligence Mearing (Frances McDormand) about the mission, he’s ticked. Investigating for themselves, the Autobots discover Sentinel Prime, Optimus’ predecessor and the last hope for freedom from Decepticon oppression.

Most of the things that irked fans about Revenge of the Fallen have been jettisoned: the racist robot twins, needless annoying sidekicks, ineffectual parental drug humour, long and unengaging plot exposition, and giant robot scrotum. By comparison, Dark of the Moon is lean and terse. Of course, lean and terse is relative when your movie is two and half hours long, but as compared to part two, which featured long stretches of dubious characterization and human drama, it was gratefully to the point.

But still, there’s the feeling that the human drama is superfluous and is maybe even really a placeholder in the film because the expense of having CG robots on screen for 150 minutes would be far too great. But I would argue that it’s not entirely true. Malkovich is great in the time he’s on screen, and Dempsey is at his douchey best as his true intention is revealed in the film’s second act. Even John Turturro’s ham as government agent and Transformers expert Simmons comes off fresh, and Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson’s soldier characters are always nearby with guns loaded, as is their function.

Basically, you’re not going into this film with any illusions. What you do need to know is that on a pure, popcorn, summer movie satisfactory level, Dark of the Moon delivers handily. It doesn’t test the intellect, but do you honestly want a brain-stimulating Transformers movie? No, what you want is big robots, big explosions, hot chicks and the usual “Bayhem” and on that basis Dark of the Moon is a mission accomplished. The difference being that this movie is literally adds another dimension, and this time, it’s worth the price of admission.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Rating: ***

How was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? Fine. Really, if you came out of the first Transformers with the frame of mind that what you saw unfold was cool in spite of the convoluted plot and shameless military porn, then the sequel will be a revelation of further awesomeness; a proverbial five-alarm fire with napalm thrown on it. Revenge of the Fallen is pure popcorn, you go in to the theatre, you excitedly order it, you eat and enjoy it and as you leave with the credits, you toss away half that huge bag and realize that you’re not quite full. Many scenes show signs of life, the action sequences however aren’t one of them. And assuming you can look beyond, robot crying, robot testicles and robot heaven, then you might actually leave the mulitplex elated.

The Fallen the title refers to is an ancient Transformer that attempted to gather precious Energon from the Earth’s sun until stopped by the ancient Autobots. Yes, like Stargate, The Fifth Element and the last Indiana Jones, the implication is that aliens have been mucking about in our business since ancient, even prehistoric times. It’s an idea that’s getting tired, but I’ll go with it if it means getting to the fighting robots and explosions. Of course, the modern Transformers know little of their past, it was all contained on that cube thing from part one, which was conveniently destroyed in the defeat of Megatron.

Naturally though, it wasn’t destroyed completely, and a small shard that young Sam Witwicky finds as he packs for college downloads the proverbial Transformers encyclopaedia into his subconscious. Shia LaBeouf returns as Sam along with glamour queen Megan Fox as his now, long-suffering girlfriend Mikaela. Now what I’m about to say may sound completely off-the-wall and slightly discrediting, but LaBeouf and Fox have a great rom-com, kind of Nick and Nora riff in their on-screen relationship. I honestly could have watched more of these two characters verbally fornicate with each other as opposed to scene after scene of military men barking orders and politicking.

Still, I’ve got to feel sorry for Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson. Where as they got the chance to develop some sort of character in part one, in part two they’re reduced to just being the human cannon fodder that fight along side the Autobots against the overwhelming force of the Decepticons. In this film there’s also the typical Walter Peck dude that thinks the Autobots create more problems then they solve and wants them off-world, taking all their robotic problems with them. He’s wrong of course, and we all know it. The military jingoism is as thick in this one as the first film, but still I thought that the off-screen remark about how President Obama was squirreled to a secret bunker at the first sign of evil robot trouble was a cheap shot. Especially since “George W. Bush” was a direct victim of Decepticon infiltration in the first film.

But subtlety is not Revenge of the Fallen’s strong suit. There are no less than two scenes of Mojo the Chihuahua jumping a new doggie friend, Sam’s mom gets baked on some herbally-laced brownies and John Turturro’s Agent Simmons and his Sector 7 approved jock strap. And then there are the aforementioned giant metal balls, and we all know who that’s a metaphor for, right Michael? In an early scene, Megan Fox captures a Decepticon spy in the form of a remote controlled car and his later seen dragging him around with a chocker and chain, making millions of males everywhere resign to be a CG robot on the end of Megan Fox’s leash. It’s a kitchen sink approach to screenwriting that only comes about when writing against the clock, thank you 2007 Writers Strike.

But in a movie like Transformers you’re paying for action, and while the set pieces in this one are louder, larger and brasher than ever, you eventually get a feeling of tedium from the wall-to-wall action chaos. And in the final battle between Alpha Autobot Optimus Prime and The Fallen with Megatron, it’s easy to get lost with all the robot parts flying around. You know that when the same people laughing uproariously at the two dogs “humping” are now saying that they can’t follow the action then you’ve lost your core constituency. Still, as an action fan, you can’t really walk away completely disappointed, and the door is left open for part 3 with Starscream and Megatron proving in typical Saturday morning fashion that sometimes “Coward” is just a word meaning someone that knows when to fight another day.

Now a note to fans, even though I’m not so married to the source material that I can’t get over it if one of the robots has a different form in the movie then they do in the cartoon. What’s cool is the first appearance of Soundwave, now an orbiting satellite versus a tape recorder, but still voiced by Frank Welker just the same. We get a neat scene of Starscream trying to explain part 1’s “strategic retreat” to Megatron as only Starscream can, and thankfully Starscream’s voice is a little closer to Chris Latta’s raspy wine this time. Regrettably though, someone got the bright idea to turn Mudflap and Skids, a pair of Autobot twins, into crunked out stereotypes that make Jar Jar Binks look like Sidney Poitier. Good to know that horrible stereotypes can transfer to cartoon robots with an equal degree of offensiveness. Keeping breaking that new ground Michael Bay.